Noah

Noah

Rated PG-13 and Released in Grand Rapids 2/28/14

Reviewed 3/31/14 at Celebration North Theatre

with Gary, Mark and Karen

1 1/2 out of 5 Js in QUIET Rating System

Unlike the movie Son of God, this story doesn't follow the Biblical account beginning in Genesis 5. It's probably the least factual bible story I have seen. God is not mentioned at all when Noah receives his visions and it seems very calculated to a fault. If you see this, know this ahead of time - it is a Hollywood version named Noah that has very few similarities to the actual Bible story. Considering this, we all agreed it is still not the impressive film we thought it was going to be. Russell Crowe playing Noah is remarkable and Jennifer Connelly does a fine job playing his wife Naameh. Although Ray Winstone as Tubal-cain is a scene stealer as a wicked leader of an army of deplorable outcasts seeking out Noah and the Ark.

Noah has a vision of an impending global flood that will destroy the world. To save his family and escape the disaster, they need to build an ark. The (fallen angel) massive rock creatures that resemble something out of Lord of the Rings are called upon by Noah to aid his family in accomplishing this. We all thought these were ridiculous and it was hard to get past. Noah has three sons - Shem, Ham, and Japeth - and only Shem has a "mate" to take on the big rescue. Ila (Emma Watson) has been adopted into the family since childhood and she and Shem have chosen each other. Ham sees this as a problem as they are building. How will they procreate once the world is destroyed? This creates much friction between father and son and Noah disregards his plea as the only task at hand is completing the project! Nearby, Tubal-cain the crazed leader and his band of misfits learn of Noah's intentions. The dreadful crowd heads to the ark site to stir up trouble but the rock creatures keep them at bay. As the ark is nearing completion, the animals start arriving and settling into their new floating home.

Two of every kind of species approaches in waves. As soon as the first raindrop hits, Tubal-cain and the rest head to the building site once again as he thinks this would be a good time to take over. Noah and the rest have to be quickly rounded up to get into place as the rain comes harder and harder. The family and mankind are ultimately saved as the boat proves to be seaworthy and flood proof. There is no indication (in the film) how long they float around before a crash landing when the water resides. They now can start a new life and begin "replenishing the Earth" as Noah quotes in the end. Seeing Noah was a big disappointment to all four of us and unless you are really desperate down the road, I would say wholeheartedly this is a skipper.

QUIET Rating system: 1 1/2 Js

Quality: JJ

Understood story:  Jj

Interest: Jj

Entertainment:  JJ

Time:  Jj